Medical Humor :)

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

A man came into the ER and yelled, "My wife's going to have her baby in thecab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take offher underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
- Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightlydeaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used tobe," replied the patient.
- Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husbandhad died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard herreporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
- Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, heinformed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Whichone?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'mrunning out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removalof the old patch before applying a new one.
- Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have youbeen bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not forabout twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
- Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" thepatient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packetlabeled "KY Jelly."
- Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hairstyled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strangeclothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, soshe was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staffnoticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,"Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on thepatient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
- Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed whenperforming female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed ahabit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this examsuddenly burst out laughing thus further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistlingwas, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

~ I know, some of these are a bit crass...but they are so funny! :P I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did.

Submitted to me via email by a friend